problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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