On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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