you would pick up someone in the library
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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