i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
