The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
