Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
