i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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