there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
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We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
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I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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