is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
