I wish i was in the wii world.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
