My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
