dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
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The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The uberlube is also flammable
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