you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
