I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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