So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
