My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
