just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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