I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
