was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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