If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
