i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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