Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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