I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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