She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
