I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
