You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
