How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
there's paper in my vomit.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize