thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
