My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
