did you get engaged???
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
a search helicopter?!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize