i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
