my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
