We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
