Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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