Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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