He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize