..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
