I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
