Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
