What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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