Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
