this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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