Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
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if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
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I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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