are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
