after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
