he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
