There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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