Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
