I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
