so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
