Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
