I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
