Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
