i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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