You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
