your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
