Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
