my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
