3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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