Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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