You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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