I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
