I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
