There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
