i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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