running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
