o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
