her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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