Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
