you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
