I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
