Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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