I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
