Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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