Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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