Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize