Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
