If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
