My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
