I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
