OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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