im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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