accomplished twins. life is a go
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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