I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
