just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
