I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
