Screwed.edu
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
